My New Kink: Social Justice Seduction
My life was falling apart when I found the blessing of crip-community care. I was recently homeless after divorce and discriminatory firing for my disabilities. So I set off on an epic road-trip stopping at covid- conscious homes offered by social media strangers. Many wonderful people stepped forward in unexpected and delightful ways. The way my colleagues-turned-friends, internet-followers turned hosts, and a friend-turned-lover really supported my new itnerate life and restored my faith in humanity. At a time when I was expecting to lean on my friends, they all abandoned me, and instead I was blessed with beginning of our Social Justice Seduction.
While driving West through crisp mountain air and jumping in refreshing rivers, I was making a lot of new connections; one of which went from an acquaintance, commiserating over large community-wide conflicts, to a sexy flirtatious crush. Yeah girl! I was not expecting that. I was still deep in the grief of losing multiple relationships to white fragility and I had sworn off white-cis-het-men, when I found myself attracted to this queer, non-binary (but still white) cutie.
Our connection was instantly deep. They, a community health worker, facilitator, and caregiving researcher - hot - and I, a disability justice activist and community builder, were both deeply invested in community, consent, and care. Our attraction went beyond camaraderie in our neurodivergent comorbidities; we truly overstood¹ each others limitations and care requests. But for all the access intimacy we had, my autistic ass still wanted explicitly to be sure, so I bluntly asked for consent to flirt.
With their enthusiastic fuck yes, came an explosion of passionate communications beginning our courtship of consent. These early days were a blur of explicitly named crip needs, kink negotiations, me learning new non-monogamy lingo, and us honoring our spoonie body-minds.
Our predilection for living with whimsy helped us lean into play. This was vital to getting creative with how to deepen our connection during tumultuous times, both in our lives and in the escalation of political destabilization. We both have too much love to give to let fear keep us from exploring the joys and pleasures this life holds. I was dealing with production stressors, disabled travel, and grief, and she was coming to terms with relearning their body-mind needs in the depths of autistic burnout and Long COVID.
But even so, we found ways to make sex accessible for us. We commiserated over dwindling covid precautions and the state of the world, amidst raunchy texts, lascivious voice memos, and logistical planning for virtual sex dates. We savored sensual longing, to not only cope, but to nourish our relationship to thrive. We definitely let NRE (new relationship energy) keep us up late but how could we not? They were ready to match my freak!
Besides the excitement of anticipation of finding privacy to listen to each other's sexy messages, we cultivated a horny buildup of desire and release with explicit voice memos. Using our words and our voices to entice and enthrall each other. When I was invited to my first dungeon in Seattle, they talked me through what to expect. It was both fascinating and exhilarating to ask my autistic 101 questions about a new experience with someone so well versed and also a delicious way to build up sexual tension. I have never been so turned on by asking about social dynamics and etiquette before! And although I quickly discovered BDSM is not my kink, I agreed, “I enjoy vanilla sex with kink enthusiasm” as my new lover says.
The ache of longing, the throbbing of every capillary from our romantic connection really let me expand my sexuality in ways I had only ever felt when reading romance novels. This comes with the loving care expressed in mutual attraction, respectful adoration, and deep emotion that simultaneously holds my heart, my emotions, and my sexual desires.
In my body, I felt the ease that deeper breaths bring, an inner-standing knowing I had found a fellow social justice capital-Q QUEER human to be my newest lover. Not queer as in just part of legabaetehqua, but Queer as in having a strong Queer politic! This is queer confidence; knowing that you are so outside of the expectations of “societal norms” in your political queerness that you don’t bother with the mainstream, moving through life with confidence in your liberatory practices and mission.
Communication as a kink is something we both enjoy. As I continued on my drive across the country, we left orgasmic voice-memos all along the Rocky Mountains. Sexting and erotic technological solutions for long distance intimacy not only built connection but showed our shared commitment to celebrating our desire to be present in the moments we shared together. It is all we ever do have: shared moments of humanity with each other and nature.
When we finally met in person, we dove right into vulnerability and authenticity. And our hyperverbal, hyperlexic, erotic, novel-length sexting did not disappoint. We were immediately cumming all over each other, taking access breaks for food, meds, and my inhaler. Exploring our tastes, smells, and sounds all the while checking in and reconfirming consent. He held me in a deep healing release of tears as I found and tended to my wounds. And as the first weekend turned into the first week, we took our time, giving each other the comfort and care in sex, pedicures, swimming, and allergen-free meals as affirmations of our love of life. They read passages from womanist authors to me in their sensual voice between lovemaking sessions, because that’s the kind of nerding out on Social Justice Seduction we adore.
We are building the future we want starting with our own praxis by caring about ourselves, our communities, our earth. Rejecting the colonial notion perpetuated by “cringe”, we want to be chalant. Being honest and straightforward with ourselves about our needs and knowing that our worth is not tied to productivity or usefulness will lead us into open dialogue and expanding what is possible together.
I know I will be on the road again soon to support the growth of more mutual aid hubs and covid-aware events. Being itinerate means that I have the freedom and mobility to support emergent changes in micro- and macro- political climates of our country, but my disability and safety needs make it so most of the funds I am able to make go to keeping me alive. It’s quite Instagram-able, but not as glamorous a life-on-the-road as people may think. This is the crip-ingeutity of turning homelessness into a career pivot of a transient, traveling, disability justice producer².
Not in spite of, but rather in celebration of my disabilities and the deepening exploration of disability justice practice in our lives, we center radical acceptance, joy, and sex-as-caregiving in the birth of Social Justice Seduction.
1 [https://www.wordsense.eu/overstand/#English]
2 [https://buymeacoffee.com/neurospicynetworking/travelling-disability-justice-producer]
Values of Social Justice Seduction
Community Care Centered
Communication top priority
Courtship of Consent
Vulnerability as Authenticity
Queer Confidence
Metaphyisical Muses
Affirmations of lived experiences & Womanism
Honoring Spoonie Bodyminds
Love of humanity